RSM 2015: #17 – Melbourne Demons

SEASON PREVIEW (2)

THIS YEAR AT THE RHYCE SHAW MEDAL, WE DECIDED TO LET THE FANS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES IN DESCRIBING THE INS AND OUTS OF SUPPORTING THEIR PARTICULAR FOOTBALL CLUBS. THEY HAVE UNIQUE INSIGHTS INTO THE APPROPRIATE HAPPY AND SAD EMOJIS TO USE WHEN SUPPORTING THEIR PARTICULAR TEAMS AND, USUALLY, A FORM OF ONE-EYED SUPPORT THAT EVERYONE ELSE FINDS HILARIOUS.

#17 – Melbourne Demons

By S

Melbourne Paul Roos skeptical

I’ve been a fan for nearly thirty years – thirty…. long…. barren years.

My grandpa nearly hooked me into Roos, but it turned out my heart beats true for the red and the blue. And once upon a time this wasn’t so bad. We were led by the great Brownlow Medallist Jim Stynes – indestructible on the field, full of class off it. No one has given more for the Demons. There are few better role models in the football world.

But lately, the tale has been…less encouraging.

The best memory in the sorry lot I have is at the ground as a spectator for Melbourne’s last 2 wins in Adelaide, nearly 15 years apart and both by less than a goal against the Crows. Or maybe the 1987 Night Series Premiership played at the wasteland that was Waverley. Off the ground it is hard to go past Woewodin’s 2000 Brownlow medal. He went on to be such an integral player that we literally paid Collingwood to take him off our hands. They have since gotten their revenge by giving us Mark Neeld, Chris Dawes and Harry O’Brien Heritier Lumumba. Well-played Collingwood, well-played.

I'm, like, 60% sure this is Nathan Jones.
I’m, like, 60% sure this is Nathan Jones.

The best player at Melbourne FC is Nathan Jones. Again.
But not by as much as the previous years – expect Dom Tyson to provide some competition

However the most interesting player at the Dees is Hearryetier Lubrienomumba. Hard to go past a bloke who’s name is Heritier Lumumba with Brazilian and Congolese heritage and is rarely out of the headlines.

The rising star for the Dees is Jesse “Hulk” Hogan

One headline I’d kill to see in 2015 is Hogan making a big impact up forward as Melbourne play football that people want to see. Although, any Demons fan should be happy for the club to be out of the headlines – no links to dodgy sports scientists or match fixing or big injuries/issues to ‘star’ recruits and draft picks.

The biggest spud  we have is Jack Watts – the Shane Watson of the Melbourne Jack Watts dropMelbourne Football Club: Both are tall, blonde, talented (oh so talented), their best position is still unknown and they are perpetually stuck in second gear with flashes of brilliance in lost causes.
Also, helpfully, both answer to, ‘Watto’.

 

The most hatable player on our team is, in fairness, Tom Scully

Oh wait, he is on another team and we do hate him:

Expect the unexpected from Melbourne in 2015. Expect heartbreak (or a ruptured ACL, stress fractures and broken navicular bones from highly rated first round draft picks), expect 6 wins (+/-2) but good luck picking who those 6(+/-2) wins will come against. Melbourne will continue to build in their second season under Paul Roos. Expect more potency in offense, expect the kids who you have never heard of to get plenty more game time and expect a few blowouts and set backs. Feel free to make other plans in September.

Hint: Not the MCG
Hint: Not the MCG

So, how are the Dees winning the flag in 2015?

Only if a wealthy Demon’s benefactor perfects human cloning and makes 17 copies of Nathan Jones, otherwise escaping the bottom 4 is the realistic goal.

S

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