RSM 2015: #10 – Adelaide Crows


RS intro

Then it's agreed: I won't win a Brownlow until I get to the Cats. Done.
“Then it’s agreed: I won’t win a Brownlow until I play for the Cats. Done.”

#10 – Adelaide Crows

By Buds

I am a South Australian and so, like all true South Australians, I support the only South Australian team: the Adelaide Crows. Sure, some have an affinity for the jobless, drunken hoodlums that make up the Port fanbase, but as for me I support my state – as opposed to my state supporting me (zing!). Anyway, all jokes aside, screw the Power.

Personally, my earliest memory of the Crows was my parents watching the 1993 preliminary final at my grandparents.

Just to be clear – I didn’t watch any of it – I decided to jump on board the following year when we finished 11th. In fact, my best memory during that year was a low budget TV advert, clearly pre-recorded over summer, featuring a spotty-faced Ben Hart who suggested that “this could be our best season yet”. Even as an 9 year old I thought it stunk. It left Ben Hart red-faced and red-haired.

Crows fans should be filled with the usual unrealistic expectation, followed by disappointment that will make you want to walk out halfway through the last quarter. It’s tradition. Gather up your knitting needles, nanna rugs and chardonnay glasses. This year, however, we have some genuine hope with a new CEO that is actually driven, a new ‘people’s captain’ and a coach that won’t take a bar of crap from anyone. And yes, the ‘people’s captain’ is Taylor Walker, so he’s only the captain for a certain type of person, and that sort of person shops at Nena & Pasadena and drinks mainstream ciders, but still.

Your 2015 captain...
Your 2015 captain…

In 2015 I would love to see the Crows redesign their ninja-turtle-esque logo (that appears to be aimed at 10 year old boys) into something we can all be proud of. I suggested this to the CEO on Twitter but am yet to receive a response. Interactive media indeed! Besides winning more games, I feel like this could convince Dangerfield to stay.

(Editor’s note: This just makes me feel sad.)


AC - Darren Jarman
I was too afraid to use the full-size photo

Player rundown:

My all-time favourite player still has to be Darren Jarman. What he lacked in looks and speed, he made up for in skill (and probably drinking ability if you have seen him lately).

A rising star on the team is Rory Sloane. He’s got a great attitude and will one day become a top regular player. Look him up! Most valuable player is Dangerfield. Have you seen his contract? You know who has? Geelong. Dammit.

I wouldn’t liken him to Shane Watson but Scott Thompson is becoming less effective each year. He gets a lot of the ball but often uses it like he’s playing for the opposition. Still, you wouldn’t want to mess with him, or date his daughter.

"And if you hurt my daughter, your head will be this ball. Understand son?"
“And if you hurt my daughter, your head will be this ball. Understand son?”

Later in the year you can expect to see our most hot and cold player, Patrick Dangerfield, come to a ‘tough decision’ and leave the club for greener pastures – and by greener pastures I mean Geelong FC for a truck-load of cash and the keys to the city. I’d love to say we don’t need him but…that boy can play.


I think the most interesting off-field player in the team would have to be Matthew Jaensch, who seems to be a little too comfortable in front of a rolling camera. The most hatable former player is still Kurt Tippett. Perhaps I wouldn’t detest him so much if he could actually play football to earn his $1m a season.

I’ve thought about it: I still would.


Your 2015 Captain, Taylor Walker.
Last chance: are you SURE you want this man as your captain?

What to expect when you’re expecting a flag

This year is a year with a lot of potential for the Crows. Unfortunately it would seem we’ve run up against one of the stronger years in AFL history. It’ll be a hard slog to make our way into the 8 but there are definitely some spots up for grabs and our usual cream-puff schedule and home-ground advantage gives us a leg up. Watch for our young, talented backline to get better and better with Dan Talia and Brodie Smith leading the way

Dangerfield’s saga will overshadow what could be a glorious year for us -new captain, coach and CEO. That spells potential. Or captaincoachceo, literally, I guess, but you know what I mean.

Adelaide will win the flag in 2015 because the law of averages says you will at some point… unless you’re St Kilda or Western Bulldogs.



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