RSM 2015: #7 – Gold Coast Suns


I'm not a doctor, but I'm led to believe these three men aren't asking for autographs.
I’m not a doctor, but I’m led to believe that this is a bad sign for the season? Anyone else?

#7 – Gold Coast Suns

By J-Meas

Kaan the sunnies!

I have supported the Gold Coast Suns from the moment they entered the league and the AFL saw fit to rig the competition in their favor. I had languished midtable with the Adelaide Crows for years before realising teams don’t win by hanging mid-table. You need young studs and enough money/great location/shameless stacking of the deck by the AFL to get the best free agents (Gazzaaaaa….get around him. Karmichaelllllllllll….not so much). Best memory was going to see the winless goldies (vs the port power dogs) in their first season with my father in law talking crap all game (a typical power supporter) only to see their maiden victory with my very own eyes vs my most hated team. Only saw them with my own eyes for a bit, before my tears of joy clouded my vision as they rained down on the choking Power. Write a book about it. It’s what dreams are made of.

George Karl was confused. He wasn't in Denver any more
George Karl was confused. He wasn’t in Denver any more, and all the mountains had turned sunny.

What to look forward to this season? A lot of Gazza. Maybe not ALL of Gazza – his shoulder is taking a holiday for the winter – but even 70% of Gazza is better than 100% of anyone at Brisbane (sorry Rocky). More consistency from the young stars in Bennell and O’Meara and, God willing, a functional forward line. Rodney Eade doing his best George Karl impression (Nick Malceski is DeMarcus Cousins in this analogy, natch). The defence looked like an AFL defence last season but it’s a shambles getting the ball through the goals. We lack a key forward who can lead, mark the ball and kick straight. All of our forwards have 2 out of three of those but if we could find someone with all three then we wouldn’t have to rely on our 2 person midfield to do all the work. But that’s the downside. The upside is we were in finals contention last season til Gazza got hurt and this season if we can avoid injury I agree with the AFL captain’s poll that we should be there for our first finals appearance this year. The fact that guys like Trent McKenzie can peel themselves off the beach for a few hours to kick the footy around speaks wonders for their dedication to the game. But think about what it must be like playing on this team. Its basically an extended schoolies trip for most of these guys. Have you seen Gold Coast COPS? I’m waiting for the Gold Coast COPS AFL edition. They are gonna make the West Coast Eagles look like choir boys.


A footballer passes out in a nightclub. More like JaegerBOMB O'Meara, amiright?
This week, a footballer passes out in a nightclub. More like JaegerBOMB O’Meara! ROLE MODELS INDEED! (self-righteous anger here)

Player rundown


So many amazing players to choose from and highlight with my club’s long and storied history but outside of the obvious choice – G Ablett – I have to go with the heart and soul of my boys: Charlie Dixon. Fun fact, Dixon scores the first Gold Coast goal in their first game by straight up bull-rushing a defender who dived out the way. That’s what you want out of your big man, unless, I guess you want them to be elite and consistent and truly skilled. You people are heartless monsters.


Most hated player?

This is easy.
1. It has to be a guy who jumped clubs.
2. It has to be a guy who is not great.
3. It has to be a guy who is a scapper with little skill apart from working hard.
It’s Harbrow. Even I hate him. The guy is a chihuahua and just seems like the kind of guy who would glass someone at a bar for looking at the girlfriend who he intimidated into being with him (too far?)

Gazza is the mvp 4 eva Harbrow is a spud. Nice and simple.


What to expect when you’re expecting a flag

If we’re going to have any success at all, we’re gonna need to see the Gold Coast Suns elite midfield dominating the season. Ablett, O’Meara…that’s better than most AFL midfields anyway. Bennell and Swallow have shown signs but outside of Ablett they only put it together for a half season at most. Time to dominate boys. So many to choose from and it depends on if you think some of the guys have got there yet. But basically the whole list is a rising star. And I think this season either Lynch will put it together and be a key forward or will crawl beneath the ground and join his potato friends. (Ed’s note: I’m as confused as you are)

The Suns are only winning if everyone else got dragged into the drug scandal with Essendon and are banned for the season leaving only Gold Coast and GWS to fight for the flag. I think we could take them.



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